When the songbird sings

Been dumped or need to dump someone? Break-ups in the web 2.0 world are a lot more challenging than simply chucking all the trinkets, photos and love letters of a former (or soon-to-be former) flame, what with the fact that a lot of online friends and acquaintances could be privy to the upheavals in your lovelife by reading your blogs and forum postings, or that your jilted lover could easily stalk you online.

Bostonist gives a basic guide to breaking up in the web 2.0 (and mobile) world.

Example:

Social Networking:

— Set relationship status to “single” on all your social networking accounts.

— Set your MySpace blog to “friends only.”

— Remove ex from your MySpace friends. Replace the ex in your top 8 with your more attractive, more intelligent, and single new crush. Bonus points for the newly “topped” friend who leaves semi-flirtatious messages in MySpace comments.

— Delete comments or testimonials the ex has left you.

— Remove them as a friend on Friendster – know their “friends of friends” network just dropped by 1/2 a mil.

There is no such thing as thinking without using your brain, but Gladwell’s book, “Blink! The Power of Thinking Without Thinking” pretty much captures easily how first-impressions and gut feelings could often turn out to be right, or why, when encumbered by our prejudices, our power to make snap-decisions can result in negative, expensive or even tragic consequences.

Gladwell works around the subject of thin-slicing, or knowing which information to discard and which to keep in rapid decision-making, performed “without thinking,” which the author argues is better utilized than relying on logic, information or reasoning. However, the irony of this way of thinking is that it is actually a product of constant, multiple exposure to a particular subject or situation that eventually led the individual to quickly identify tell-tale signs required in predicting, say, if a relationship will succeed, or identify the personality traits of a particular person in as short as a 15-minute visit to his or her room.

“…with experience we become experts at using our behavior and our training to interpret–and decode–what lies behind our snap judgements and first impressions.”

On the other hand, rapid cognition is not without it’s fault as it is prone to our prejudices. Oftentimes, race, gender and appearance affect the way people make first impressions. That is why the best thin-slicers are the ones who have reached a certain level of expertise and gathered enough experience that eventually allow them to identify the subtlest nuances of a person’s behavior, or why at first glance they can tell with almost certainty that an artwork is not authentic.

Oftentimes, we come up with too much excuses–faulty reasoning–for why we make certain decisions, instead of asking ourselves why certain traits raise so much red flags when we meet a particular person for the first time, or why we settle not necessarily for less but for what we already know is not right and definitely not what we are looking for:

…what happens is that we come up with a plausible-sounding reason for why we might like or dislike something, and then we adjust our true preference to be in-line with that plausible-sounding reason.

Not sure if I had posted this advice list before. I’d like to veer from too much copy/paste stuff in this blog, but sometimes i stumble upon things that make a lot of sense and the following passage is one of those. Enjoy!

Don’t date because you are desperate.
Don’t marry because you are miserable.
Don’t have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don’t philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don’t associate with people you can’t trust.
Don’t cheat. Don’t lie. Don’t pretend.
Don’t dictate because you are smarter.
Don’t demand because you are stronger.

Don’t sleep around because you think you are old enough & know better.
Don’t hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don’t sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don’t stagnate!

Don’t regress.
Don’t live in the past. Time can’t bring anything or anyone back.
Don’t put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
Don’t throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some of life’s more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don’t bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don’t abandon your responsibilities but don’t overdose on duty.

Don’t live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don’t commit when you are not ready.
Don’t keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don’t postpone it.
Say those words. Don’t let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society’s scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don’t wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.

It isn’t true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don’t be afraid. Don’t lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don’t lose faith in God.
Don’t grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to someone is your time.
Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.

Just because everybody’s doing it, doesn’t mean I have to. But what the heck, it’s also fun to look back at the year that’s passed. I could blab on chronologically about the past year, except that my long-term memory is failing me just when I have to write about the last twelve months. So I guess, it’s best to make a run-down by topic.

Work:

I left MRM last July and moved to Enterworks-Philippines, which later changed its name to Teloworks. I wasn’t exactly planning to switch jobs after a year of marketing mobile contents and managing, promoting, SEO-ing a mobile themes site amidst the odds posed by “freebie” competitors and other established brands in the market. Working on the web space was something that was close to my heart; it still is even today. However, the winds of change beckoned and upon invitation by Jane to join her then-employer, I submitted my CV and went through one of the smoothest application processes that a job applicant could possibly enjoy. Being Technical Writer is slightly different from my previous jobs even if it is about writing and technology. Whereas in business and promotional writing I had to learn about markets and customers , or research about people’s buying preferences on the web, technical writing involves adhering to set standards creating technical documents and through familiarity with the features of the information management software about which I was assigned to write. At the end of the day, both types of writing always involved the end-user in mind combined with a set of objectives (i.e., to inform, to sell, to instruct). Thank God, that was what my journ professors inculcated in us.

Finances:

Just when I joined a company that paid in greenbacks, the US dollar further slipped against the Peso. While I should be happy about the relatively happy state of the national economy, getting so much less than expected is an idea that I do not warm up to.

Family:

I feel so guilty about it, but 2006 was the year when I hardly spoke to my mother–a fact that she made sure she would throw at my face when the chance arrived. And boy, did she! On a brighter note, my youngest sister, Joy, started working in Manila and eventually moved into my apartment. You wouldn’t know that we had an eight-year age gap and I never thought she would be more mature than I previously believed. I’ve never felt like I’ve been living with a sibling, but with a close friend.

People:

With new work came a new set of friends. Fondly called tropa, it all started when two colleagues joined me during lunch because “kawawa ka naman, kumakain kang mag-isa”. Eventually, the newbie joined the lunch group and times spent together for mid-day meals stretched to “yosi break” and then late-afternoon coffee/C2/foodie breaks at nearby 7-11, Country Style-Salcedo, Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf or Starbucks when we had money. The next thing I knew, we were spending Friday nights at Gilligans in Glorietta, having late-night dinner in Japanese restos in Pasong Tamo area, going to a nearby mall and playing billiards Rolling Stones, MCS and other joints. The games often lasted until the wee hours of the morning. The boys each had their cue sticks. I’d get one should I do better, but that’s still a bit of a stretch for now.

Joining Pandora’s Web 2.0 training in the summer also brought new people into my life. While one of them was someone we would end up disagreeing with, it’s still a fact that he brought us together. He deserves the credit for being the common denominator in a team endeavor that the rest is pursuing up to this day. It was a bumpy ride, but no less remarkable.

2006 was the year when I nearly lost touch with my friends from Titans, the badminton community we founded in 2004. It was due mostly to the developments in our personal lives: weddings, babies, break-ups, tampuhan, career changes, etc. The last time that I remember of having shared a good time with them (read: food, booze, videoke) was on Dennis’s birthday. After that, all I could do was guess when I could join the next game if ever there was a schedule.

Last but definitely not the least, the cute eCutes. Ahh…what can I say? Marianne, Jane, JayJay, Fat and the rest of the gang have always been such a blessing.

Places:

The past year brought me to places I had never visited previously. The road trip to Northern Luzon with Rome was memorable, marked with long stretches of highway (of course) beginning with the infernal Pampanga traffic jams, zig-zag towards Morong, Bataan where we spent the night, staying at CASA San Miguel Artists’ Village in Zambales to watch the awesome Pundaquit Vurtuoso string ensemble, overnight in Hundred Islands in Pangasinan, and a visit to Vigan, Ilocos Norte.

We also flew to Boracay in August for a weekend of fun, food and frolicking courtesy of, well, the lovely sponsors. The people, the feast, the beach were nothing but memorable. Thanks, Rome!

My previous company held a summer outing in Nasugbu, Batangas. It wasn’t a fancy-schmancy trip, but everybody had fun. I’d never been with a happily rowdy group but no entertainment was required when one was in the company of such people who knew how to pull in a good joke or two. Beer, food, laughter amidst white-sand beach and calm blue waters were all we could ask for.

Love:

We win some, we leave some. I’ve said my piece to the man who, for over a year, I shared my heart and my life with, the friends who had always been there, to anyone who would care to listen. I was sorry for my part in the fallout, but I had my reasons and now it’s time to move on. I could only wish for happiness for both of us…perhaps in the hands of our respective someone elses. I still need my space to figure out a lot of things about myself and about my life. I’m more than satisfied with having a muse to brighten my day.

Only you can make you wait. Nobody else can. Either you decide on what you want or what you have to give up to get it, and then you gotta be okay with that. Or you gotta be okay with waiting.

You don’t get anything unless you ask for it. And if you ask for it and you don’t get it, maybe it wasn’t worth having in the first place. Some things are just never meant to be no matter how much we wish they were.

–Gilmore Girls

Unpretty
TLC

I wish I could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you?
Look into the mirror who’s inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today (yeah)

(more…)

Love is a verb, not a status symbol.

So We Can’t Hurt Anymore
Jon Randall

You won’t see me hanging around like a long lost friend
With my ear glued to some pay phone calling you up again
Cause I’ve had all of the one last times
I’ll crawl in or out that door
And this pointing finger’s all crooked and worn
And it won’t shift the blame no more
We’re out of pictures to hide the fist holes
Covering this bedroom wall
And I’m out of whiskey and I’m so out of touch
That I don’t give a damn at all
And I’m not sure when our love went south
But it left a long time ago
And left us stranded like a dog in the rain
And we keep diggin up old bones
Oh the words we’ve tossed around
Like a leaf in a storm
Until we broke each others hearts so bad
That we can’t hurt anymore
And what a low down crying shame
The walls we build around our souls
Just to protect ourselves from the ones we love
So we can’t hurt anymore