Single by leosam
Singlism - n., society’s scorn for the never-been-married, unmarried, de-coupled, living alone or not in any romantic relationship.
I found this eye-opening article about society’s scorn for or bias against singles. Even America, the single most powerful and most advanced country in the world, favors the married/coupled population more than the remaining 41% that chose to live life without partners. As a single person who has recently turned 30 and someone who’s been through FOUR failed relationships (which meant that there have been “single” phases in between relationships), I have had experiences when telling others that I’m single left a bad taste in my mouth if only for the reaction or look that I got from people who are so proud to refer to themselves as “in a relationship”.
Don’t take it wrong. There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship. I was happy on certain times when I was in one too. If you are happy in your relationship, then more power to you. If you are with the person of your dreams, then I support you. You are very lucky and more people should be like you.
What’s wrong is being in a relationship just_for_the_sake_of_being_in_one. Maybe that was where I had failed, too. I allowed all these former insignificant others to enter my life, rearrange it, make it spin out of control on one occasion, and then leave it once they’ve tired of it or found another life to enter, rearrange and leave behind.
Only last Monday, I decided to back out of a date with someone I could potentially have a relationship with. Perhaps because by the time I reached maturity (I’m a very late bloomer), I realized that not all guys in the world are really worth spending time with, much less giving up the time to do something else productively for. I knew that when I told him I couldn’t make it, he wouldn’t be asking me out again.
This was a guy who had told me he would call and then didn’t on many occasions. When last Friday night rolled around, he asked if he could meet me up for dinner. That was about 7.30 in the evening when I was already cozily working at home. I was already in my bedroom garb. And then this jerk wanted to see me (for the first time at that) just because traffic on a Friday night was hell?
My guts told me that this kid wasn’t worth it, no matter how cute he might be or how much he earned as an IT project manager. I would rather spend Friday night at my apartment than waste it on someone who only remembered me when Manila’s hellish traffic is kicking him in the nads. And so I gave some excuse…the lamest lie of an excuse that I could muster…to tell him that I couldn’t make it.
He was just one of a couple I’ve met. But there are others who keep the pursuit. We’ll see where that goes.
And so back to this book, we have at certain points in our lives been single too. I had been single on many occasions and I am single now. It is bad enough that society thinks less of singles, and it is worse when society reserves a higher degree of scorn for single women.
But gender aside, here’s a little something the single-bashers should realize: We are okay…at least I am. We are not as f****d up as you think (wish?) we are, so quit feeling sorry for us. We do get asked to dates once in a while, we do attract the right kind of attention from all sorts of people and not just from jerks/jerkettes, we have more disposable incomes, and we are fabulous. If some of us choose to be single after leaving/having been left by our former significant others, that’s because we realize that how we choose to be happy is up to us.
I got this one from a review of the book, Singled Out: How How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After”
“I have a good male friend in his late 30s. Some people have asked me if he’s ever been married. When I answer No, one of them remarked, “There must be something wrong with him.” Actually, there isn’t. He just doesn’t believe that marriage would improve his life. It’s overrated and not a “fix-all” solution. He likes being single! He’s happy being single. Is that so difficult to understand? Apparently, it is.”
If you are a girl who’s in a real, loving relationship…may your kind multiply. Seriously! It isn’t everyday that you can find a good man to hang out and share your hopes and dreams with. Or choose wedding rings with. Or for whose baby you’re buying cribs.
And honestly, who wouldn’t want to be in such a happy romantic relationship that spells “happily ever after”? But if you are in a relationship (perceived or otherwise) with someone who is only stringing you along, take this one for a spin:
“Left to your own devices, you’ll get over it and move on to someone who appreciates you, donkey-laugh and all.
“But the key to recovery is being left alone. And any guy with any shred of integrity whatsoever will respect that. Because, believe me, they may be confused or ambivalent about a lot of things, but there are two things they do know: They know they don’t reciprocate our feelings, and they know that to pretend otherwise is just a cruel and terrible lie.
“So if he’s still stringing you along with a lot of vague promises or relying on you for a surefire ego boost when he’s feeling down, I recommend you give him my book.
“No, not this one.
“The one entitled, Don’t Be a Big Fat Asshole: The No-Excuses Guide to Behaving Like a Decent Human Being.”
The rest is found here.
