Blogging dry spell; “The Marine” S*cks
A lot of things have happened mostly on the personal side of life. Some I can blog about while some I would rather leave unwritten. I’ve learned well enough that it is not wise to wash one’s dirty linens in public, no matter the clamour for detailed explanations and such.
“The Marine” s*cks
In the meantime, check this review of one of the most brain-dead and unbelievably baaaaaaaaaaad! movies that Hollywood has ever come up with: The Marine. It’s just so unbelievably horrible that I’d rather not waste my time with putting words together to explain what I mean, so to quote another review of this dud:
The credits have hardly rolled by the time John is discharged from duty and returns home to his buxom wife, Kate (Kelly Carlson, ‘Nip/Tuck’). He gets a job as a security guard but is canned on his first day.
Are you bored yet?
Written by Michelle Gallagher and Alan B. McElroy, the film features a bunch of bad guys, too. Among them are the sinister jewel thieves Rome (Robert Patrick), Morgan (Anthony Ray Parker) and Angela (Abigail Bianca), misfits who have no qualms about blowing the head off anyone in their way.
As luck would have it, John and Kate decide to take a relaxing vacation and run into the diamond-snatching thugs. After a shootout, the creeps kidnap Kate and leave John in a trail of dust. Fueled with anger, he goes on a quest to win back his woman.
There you have it, the setup to a painfully long excuse to film a string of explosions. But this ‘Marine’ is a dud.
And for the movie as nothing but a series of bad acting, cheesy dialogue, vertigo-inducing fight scenes and fuel wastage, here’s what The Philadelphia Inquirer has to say:
Director John Bonito does a decent job with this formulaic premise. Unfortunately, he’s not too good at filming hand-to-hand combat. But Bonito’s positively a genius at big explosions, which is good because in the course of “The Marine,” he blows up everything but McMahon’s trailer. This is more a pyrotechnics display than it is a movie.
It was done so badly that we ended up laughing at how horrible the movie was as we were walking out of the cinema. There are films that you can remember for their brilliance, while there are bad ones that you can simply ignore. The Marine is a class by itself, that the public must be warned against watching it.
